Gareth Brierley

Can you remember what you were like when you were two years old? No? I’ve heard rumours that I was a brat of a child, who ate bin bags, was sick on the dog and could cry for 10 hours straight. Well now you can play a game as a two old child and relive those lost years. Well if those lost years are as psychologically disturbing as this game is, then I’m glad I can’t remember.

I went to Winchester University in 1991. I lasted 10 days before I realised I’d made a terrible mistake. It wasn't Winchester’s fault or the University, it was me. I wanted something else that it couldn't deliver at that time. So imagine my surprise when I found that half of “Fragments of Him” is set at Winchester University, the halls of residence and its student union. It’s a game that, like my short experience at the Uni, has moments of joy and emotion - but ultimately left me wanting more.

The trick to writing this review is to not compare or mention Battleborn. Oh no, I’ve done it already haven’t I? Sorry. It’s hard. There’s been a lot of debate this last month about which of these two games is better. It’s tricky for me to not fuel this debate with the rest of the world because they are both 1st person online shooters in colourful cartoon lands and they’ve both been released at roughly the same time. But they are different beasts; Battleborn has a complicated looting system, campaign and long lengthy games. The other has simple 6 vs. 6 combat, on limited maps with a very diverse fighting mechanic.

I want to love Battleborn, I really do. I want to hug it and squeeze it and smell the newly fresh wrapping of a game you’re dying to play. I’ve gone too far haven’t I? You see I am a big Borderlands fan; I love the tone, scripting, humour and colorful world that developers Gearbox have created over the last few years. When they announced a new IP for the latest generation of consoles naturally I ran around in circles, clapped my hands, jumped for joy and scared the dog. So when I sat down to play it, I was pleased that the tone, scripting, humour and colourful world were all still around… but something was missing.

My local park across the road has many delights. It has random violence, a guy who plays a bongo drum every Tuesday without fail and a varied wildlife of litter from all across the world. So I was hoping that, The Park, could live up to my high expectations of park life. Well, firstly it’s not local and secondly it’s set in an American amusement park - one that is a bit like a UK pleasure park but with an accent and quite weirdly, the same health and safety record.

Here we go again. Where were we? Oh yes….there was an old man telling his grandchild a story of his glory days of when he was a young adventurer looking for…well…adventure. He stumbles across a tournament to become King, which he enters, and after happening upon some dragons, trolls and riding a knight like a horse, he becomes King Graham. Then, bored with being King, he goes out again and gets kidnapped by goblins that hold him as their slave. He has to choose which one of his friends to save and which should die. Then there’s some rope, a slipper, some magic plant growing stuff and the return of a nemesis, all appearing before escaping back to his kingdom. All clear? Good that brings us all up to date and you can now relax.

The last time I did anything that included Party and Hard in the description was back in 2001. It was after a long day drinking, when I woke up in in a toilet cubicle and convinced myself I could speak fluent German. I was in Berlin at the time and I tried my new found skill out on nearby Germans with very little success. Nowadays my partying involves the Xbox live kind and a mug of hot chocolate after 11. So what could I get from this little indie game with a fun title…well it was not what I was expecting.

I had high hopes for Shred It! I first thought it might be a Sim style experience where you find yourself in charge of shredding machine factory. One in which you have to deal with selling said shredding machine in a highly competitive market. Sadly my dreams have been crushed and this game isn’t anything near my brilliant concept. Instead it’s a snowboarding Temple Run type cross over. But instead of snowboarding on snow you’re sliding through a paper world. Got it?

I didn’t get Dark Souls. But something was always nagging away at me, some devil on my shoulder, telling me that I was missing out on a fantastic experience. All the hype, all the reviews and awards the franchise has gained means people can’t be wrong can they? Maybe it’s me; maybe I’m just a gaming idiot who hasn’t got the intelligence to play a real game. So I did. I played Dark Souls 3 and committed myself to playing the hell out of it. And after the pain, the glory and the deaths, I think I’ve seen the light and it is bright…praise the sun

I’ve found myself recently starting new games like an elderly gentleman in his late eighties, who can’t remember where his trousers are and why coffee is not food. The game experience in Cobalt is no different; where I confusedly find myself suddenly jumping in the air, punching, cracking safes and listening to space music all within the first ten minute of playing. I’m all for not holding your hands when starting a game and following a trail path etc... but please just a little push is all I ask of you. This though is Cobalt and it’s all about packing as many different punches as possible, with a heady mix of platforming, shooting, puzzles, slo-mo and gadgets. Catch up grandad.

I have two terrible and horrific fears that keeps me awake at night. The first is living in a post nuclear holocaust world where civilisation has collapsed and I am frantically surviving amongst the rubble, the decay and the chaos. The second fear is that I have two kids, who I don’t like very much because they have ruined my life by crushing all my dreams and ambitions. Sadly for me, Sheltered has both of my fears rolled into one, but comes with the added complications in the form of domestic chores, hunger, cannibalism, murder and radiation sickness. Welcome to my new hell...a hell that is a very addictive and interesting premise.

I always remember as a child eagerly watching cartoons, just before the News at Six. My absolute favourite were the Roadrunner cartoons where Wile E Coyote would devise insane stupid ways to kill the roadrunner, where he used all manner of equipment and weapons. 101 Ways To Die reminds me very much of the spirit of that cartoon with its deathly traps and complex killing machines - except with one difference. Unlike Wile E Coyote, the methods used in this game are very, very, successful and that’s where all the fun begins.

McDROID made me feel very old. Don’t get me wrong I know I’m ancient, but the first hour of this game made the heavy partying I did in the 90’s weigh heavily on my gaming shoulders. As I started the game, suddenly I didn’t know what was happening or what I was seeing. I remember there were a lot of noise, a lot of colour, and then some more noise and I was left planting strawberries for some unknown reason. Confused? Welcome to my world.

The Ubisoft team have gone all rogue with the latest installment of Far Cry. They have shed the guns, vehicles, amusing radio stations and all the fixtures usually found in one of their modern day titles. Instead of a new country. they’ve gone back in time, but not by a few decades, but by a few millennia.

This isn’t a pretty game and that’s me pulling my punches. It’s as pretty as five men on a stag weekend in Blackpool, who have been drinking for 18 hours straight and then decide to go on the rollercoaster. It’s as pretty as Vinnie Jones doing a one man show of Hamlet in the west end. It’s as pretty as…you get the idea. This game looks like a Playstation 1 game. But you know what…it doesn’t matter because Factotum 90 has deeper, hidden beauty that more than covers its ugly outward appearance.