Dealing a Bad Hand
One of the perks or drawbacks of being a games reviewer is that sometimes we have to play games that we would never, in a million years, choose to play off our own bat. The thing is, some of those games turn out to be great. Others, less so.
This leads me neatly to the subject of today’s review, a game called Cards We’re Dealt. This has been kicking around for a couple of years, and now the developers, Tiny Shiny Things, have decided that the time is ripe to release the game onto the home console market.
But has the wait been worthwhile, and should you play Cards We’re Dealt now it’s on the Xbox? Well, bear with me and I’ll attempt to get across what this game seems to be about. But strap yourself in: it’s a weird one!
Concrete Boots and Clunky Controls
I’m going to have to start with the presentation of the game, as first impressions are not particularly good. I have to remain impartial and fair while playing review games, but I have to be honest: when I started moving about in Cards We’re Dealt, the first thing I actually noticed was the awful clumping footsteps of the character we play as. It sounds like someone has filled his shoes with concrete, and every step is a hollow boom. After this, I took in the look of the game, and the word that sprang to mind was “basic”.
We are in a series of corridors and rooms, darkened and sparsely decorated, left to kind of find our way around and to the exit of each level. We play as an Intern (that is the only way we are referred to by our weird looking boss) and we work for a company called V.O.I.D., sent into Hell or something. It isn’t explained where we are, just that we need to get out. There are enemies present, because video games, and these are known as “Creeps”. You’ll want to try and avoid them, if only because they look black humanoid figures with weird swirls around them. And that is pretty much it, to be honest.
Once the Creeps appear, the music of the game, which is low key and barely there, suddenly shifts into high gear and starts blasting out of the speakers. This is not a game to play with headphones on if you value your hearing! This does create a sense of tension, it is undeniable, but the rest of the sound, apart from our concrete boots, is fairly forgettable. So far, so unimpressed, I have to be honest.
What about the way Cards We’re Dealt plays out though, I hear you ask? We have all played games that don’t look a million dollars but excel with gameplay that is absolute solid gold, haven’t we? Well, while the gameplay here kind of works, but even then, it is more frustrating than absorbing. Let me explain what we are supposed to do.
The Essential Cards
In Cards We’re Dealt we start a level with nothing: no abilities, no weapons, no nothing. It doesn’t matter what we ended the last level with, somehow we manage to lose all the cards that we collected between the levels. But let me step back a bit more: the cards. As we wander around the levels, there are cards on the floor, or on desks, that can be picked up and collected. And these cards give us various things.
Weirdly, being able to run, duck or jump requires us to find the corresponding card: and then we have to inspect the card to see how to use the ability that has been bestowed upon us. Things like a torch, and the run ability, have a meter that runs down in use, and they have to recharge before they can be used again.
The Creep Conundrum
This is the basic gameplay loop of Cards We’re Dealt then: run around an office and other environments, collect cards, avoid the Creeps and find the exit to the level. However, the controls of the game are so ham-fisted that trying to avoid the Creeps really makes you feel like you are on a hiding to nothing, especially in the earlier levels.
One in particular made me almost throw my controller through the window, where we are in a darkened office, with no clue where to go, and with a Creep on the hunt. Apparently the torch is meant to dazzle the Creeps, so thinking it would be a bit like Alan Wake, I shone the light on one, expecting it to disappear. Nope, it killed me. Trying to run past, in the dark, was a non-starter, and trying to lead the Creep to a larger area where I could run around it was equally pointless. This thing was clearly programmed to stay in one area, and so it would sit waiting in the doorway until I had to go and die. Getting weapons later on makes things a bit easier, but having to fight through the earlier levels is very much a stern test.
Dying isn’t the end of the game, sadly, as you are spawned in an area just before the section you died in. However, with no clues anywhere as to what to do, where to go, and how to fight, things quickly become annoying rather than fun. And whilst I’m complaining, the controls are sluggish, the view point seems oddly restrictive, and most damningly of all, it just isn’t fun.
One bright spot on the horizon is the multiplayer mode, as we all know having a friend along to share the misery makes everything better. You can only play multiplayer in the escape mode, and while this works well, my co-reviewer, my son, didn’t hang around for long. I can’t tell you what he said about the game (family website and all), but he wasn’t impressed.
Missing the Mark
And so we come to a conclusion, and, honestly, I’ve struggled with Cards We’re Dealt. Yes, it all runs fine, and the multiplayer works okay, but I’ve been left disappointed by pretty much everything else – the visuals, the sound, the gameplay and the controls. If ever a game has failed to click, this is it.
Important Links
It’s all about making the most of the Xbox Cards We’re Dealt – https://www.thexboxhub.com/its-all-about-making-the-most-of-the-xbox-cards-were-dealt/
Buy from the Xbox Store – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/Cards-Were-Dealt/9NG3LJ2268TX
