Shmups, shooters, shoot ‘em ups, SSGs – the genre goes by many names and it has persisted since the dawn of gaming. The genre is so old in fact that the first ever shmup predates Pong by more than a decade. That’s quite a legacy, and it only gets grander once you dive into just how influential the genre has been since inception.
Fast forward half a century and you get Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs.
Load Up And Protect Your Planet
Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs presents a simple story. You are Princess Anna, a shotgun-totting anthropomorphic cat with the power of flight, and it’s up to you to save your planet from a dastardly race of Crazy Cyborgs. Not just cyborgs. CRAZY Cyborgs. Deep stuff.
Over the course of 12 levels you will blast through 12 bosses and their assortment of lackeys. Get to the end without dying, and you beat the game. Simple.
Unlike your typical shmup, Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs will do the shooting for you. The game will fire a single bullet every few seconds so all you have to do is dodge. This is easier said than done as Anna is very slow and has a hitbox that is comically large for the genre. With her slow rate of fire and movement, Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs feels awful to play when you first boot it up.
Baffling Progression
This is by design, of course, so it can force feed a progression system to artificially extend playtime. Once you die, you are thrown into a shop where you can spend gold. Gold is dropped by enemies when you blast them. Here you can upgrade every stat you could possibly want. Movement speed? Fixed. Fire rate? Improved. Damage? High. Throw in things like magnetism to make collecting gold easier, randomised powerups, and improved health, and Anna becomes quite the beast.
What was confusing was why this system was in place at all. It takes about 10 minutes to max out all of Anna’s stats, taking her from unplayable mess to a responsive murder-feline in record time. The only reason it exists is to stretch the game out a little bit, which might not make sense at first glance considering the amount of investment required to cap your stats.
World’s Shortest Invasion
Unfortunately Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs can be completed in around 10 minutes. Not only that, the challenge is so low once you have even a handful of the obvious upgrades you can hit the credits, possibly long before you have even maxed Anna out. Once again this begs the question: Why does this system exist?
Awkward progression aside, Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs fails to claw out even the faintest sense of excitement or joy. Music is painfully repetitive, gameplay is mindlessly basic with zero challenge, and there is no incentive to keep playing after you reach the end. Sure there’s a seemingly endless number of New Game Plus options, but they aren’t worth dabbling in. Heck, there’s not even a basic scoring system – a fundamental piece of the shmup puzzle.
It’s Not All Bad… Just Mostly Bad…
At the very least Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs looks alright. The graphics are bright, enemy bullets are clearly visible, and sprites are large and detailed. There’s not much in terms of animation, but it looks clean and is clear of clutter.
The only other positive Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs has going for it is the speed in which you can max out the game’s achievements. If you are a hunter, Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs can bless your account with 2000 Gamerscore in about 15 minutes.
Overall, Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs is not worth your time, nor is it worth your money. Even at its budget friendly price, the game has next to nothing going for it bar visuals and speed of completion. We completed the game a handful of times, and frankly that’s time we will regret spending when on our death bed.
Important Links
Pure Boss Rush Mayhem – Crazy Cats vs. Crazy Cyborgs Launches on Xbox – https://www.thexboxhub.com/pure-boss-rush-mayhem-crazy-cats-vs-crazy-cyborgs-launches-on-xbox/
Buy, Optimised for Series X|S – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/crazy-cats-vs-crazy-cyborgs-xbox-series-xs/9N12V4GJ7805/0010
Take Home an Xbox One Version – http://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/crazy-cats-vs-crazy-cyborgs/9P84WQ58QW9Q/0010
Or Enjoy A Bundle – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/crazy-cats-vs-crazy-cyborgs-all-versions/9N742190K1HR/0010
