Lara Shouldn’t Have Bothered Going To The Castle
Lara Returns to the Castle ends with an almighty guilt-trip. After the end credits, it lets you know that Lara is the developer’s daughter, and the entire game was made for her. Fantastic. How are we meant to complain about Lara Returns to the Castle after that?
We’ll pull on our big boy pants and give it a go. But we’ll be polite about it.
The Princess Is Always In Another Castle
Lara Returns to the Castle very much adheres to the budget platformer template. It has forty levels, and each level fits snugly onto a game screen. I suppose there is a slight difference in that the exit isn’t actually present when Lara first steps into the level; you have to collect all of the flowers before it appears.
Hazards make getting to the flowers and exit somewhat difficult. The hardest to avoid are spinning blades, mostly because they hide in narrow corridors where you have to time a run quickly. The most annoying are snails, because they move incredibly slowly and often find themselves in places where you can’t jump over them. So you wait. And wait. And wait.
None of the enemies can be killed. This is the developer’s daughter, remember? There’s no room for violence here. All Lara can do is jump over the hazards or wait them out. To jazz up matters, there are levers to activate moving platforms, the most innocuous-looking portals you’ll ever see (they look more like snowballs in the background than actual teleporters) and – as is customary – some spike traps. Lara Returns to the Castle makes these spikes more dangerous by camouflaging them against the backdrop.
I will fully admit that I quite enjoy playing these budget platformers that turn up on the Xbox Store. But there is one thing that needs to be true: the basic controls have to be good-to-average. I don’t mind if the challenge is low or high. I don’t mind if the game variety is on the stingy side. As long as the platforming feels decent, I can wring some enjoyment out of it.
Conned By The Controls
The platforming in Lara Returns to the Castle is not decent. It’s what kills it as an entire endeavour for me. Lara is stiff and cumbersome to control. You can’t do a long leap from a standing position: you have to be moving first, so every jump needs a wind-up. Land from a jump, and you need to wait a second before you can do anything else, as if Lara’s slightly confused that she made it.
All of these can be overcome. You can accommodate for these quirks. But we resented Lara Returns to the Castle for having to. Halfway decent controls are such a baseline for a platformer, and this platformer doesn’t achieve them.
There are a few other quibbles that fall under that same ‘feels-bad’ umbrella. Portals are one-way, so it’s possible to get stuck in a level. But there’s no Retry option, so you’re backing out to the menu and restarting. Moving platforms can trap you inside platforms, floating in pixels. And, yep, you need to fully restart to get out of them. The hitboxes feel odd, as you can merrily wander into spinning blades and survive, while some jumps have to be absolutely pixel perfect.
No Saving Grace To Be Found
All would be forgiven if the platforming were special in some way. But it’s all a bit Budget Platformer 101. Having no exit at the start of the level really is the most interesting thing about Lara Returns to the Castle. It means that you can’t fully predict where you will need to be, which is the faintest outline of ‘interesting’. Realising that you have to backtrack the entire level so that you can leave is either a creative troll or annoying, depending on your perspective.
Everything else is entirely middle-of-the-road. The enemies move backwards and forwards, but no more than that. Cannons turn up and at least demand that you’re patient, but they’re not adding challenge. And the most complex a level gets is when you need to work out the order of collecting flowers. If you pick one up first, you might be stuck by level’s end.
Ultimately, it’s the controls that doomed Lara Returns to the Castle: when the basic hopping about turned out to be less than enjoyable, there was only one way that things were going to go. The lack of anything that resembled challenge or imagination only underlined it. This is a platformer where the platforming is clumpy and awkward, which you can’t stick on a poster.
Disappointment in the Castle Grounds
I’m sorry, real-life Lara. I really hope you enjoyed Lara Returns to the Castle, and you should definitely feel pride in what your parent has made. But as a game that we’re meant to spend money on and enjoy? Lara Returns to the Castle probably shouldn’t have made it onto the Xbox Store. And that’s us being polite.
Important Links
Lost, But Not Defeated – Lara Returns To The Castle On Xbox – https://www.thexboxhub.com/lost-but-not-defeated-lara-returns-to-the-castle-on-xbox/
Buy from the Xbox Store, Optimised for Series X|S – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/lara-returns-to-the-castle-xbox-series/9PBV774HDQKB/0010
There’s an Xbox One version too – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/lara-returns-to-the-castle/9NF1LKJ2PRXH/0010
Enjoy a Bundle with HOP’N’HOARD – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/adventure-duo-xbox-series/9PM6QH6XDC8K/0010
