A Budget Platformer That Evaporates From The Memory
Full marks to Afil Games for finding an animal that has never been the main character in a platformer, at least to our knowledge. There can’t be too many of those left. In Lonely Guardian you play a Foo Dog (or Fu Dog), a guardian of Chinese temples.
Foo Dogs traditionally come in pairs, one each side of a gateway, so the story of Lonely Guardian makes a wholesome kind of sense: you are a Foo Dog, and you need to find your Foo partner, plus the embroidered ball that is often in the dog’s paw. Presumably you, the guardian, will then become less lonely.
With the ball and Foo partner in hand, you can then head to the portal that represents the end of the level. But this is a platformer, so you can expect some hazards on the way. These come in the form of enemies, with an odd array of duck-men, stoats in clouds, ghost-witches and others. We suspect that there’s Chinese mythology behind each of these – the Foo stuff is well researched, so why not the enemies too – but we’ll admit to not being aware of them.
Foo Fighter
The Foo Dog in Lonely Guardian isn’t completely helpless. Aside from the expected jump, the dog can fire a form of energy wave. The good news is it’s powerful enough to KO any enemy with one hit. The bad news is that it travels about as far as a Foo Dog could spit. You’re going to need to get close to those stoats-in-clouds if you want any hope of hitting them.
In traditional Afil Games style, there are 30 levels for your £4.19. Traditionally, too, there has been a game update to make the Gamerscore a healthy 2000G for completion (or, more truthfully, for getting about halfway, as Lonely Guardian is generous with its unlocks). Achievement hunters perk up: this will feature in a future ‘get 100,000G in one night’ Youtube video.
That is all that’s worth noting, which hints at Lonely Guardian’s biggest problem. It’s a game that doesn’t quite have a reason to exist. Aside from the Chinese mythological setting, there is precious little for us to point to and say “here is the reason you should play Lonely Guardian”.
Pity The Foo Who Picks This Up
It’s not a complicated game. We kept reaching for a double-jump button, as we expected at least something beyond a single jump and attack. But there’s no wall-jump or dash to be found. The levels, too, keep resolutely in first gear. Platforms sometimes fall or can be destroyed, while others have spikes or enemies in awkward positions. But that’s all she wrote: everything in Lonely Guardian is present in every other platformer.
It’s not a difficult game, either. There is a place for a challenge-less platformer, particularly if you happen to be a child or an achievement hound, but we expected some form of spike towards the end of the game, or moments that formed a bead of sweat. That lack of challenge is compounded by a generosity of spirit: if you fall off a platform, you will retain all of the collectibles. You can even kill yourself to create a quicker path to the exit. That’s good-natured, but also generous to a fault.
Plus, it’s not long. Thirty levels sounds significant, but the arenas barely spread beyond the initial game screen. The embroidered ball and Foo Pup that you collect are welcome, but they never deviate too far from the path to the exit. The levels just aren’t big enough to tuck them into a faraway nook, surrounded by falling platforms. We found ourselves getting 100% completion without truly being motivated to collect everything; it was almost harder to avoid the collectibles.
A Mythological Platformer That Fails to Leave a Paw Print
To Lonely Guardian’s credit, it is far from a painful game to play. The controls work well. The energy wave is a little limp, but it does a decent and predictable job of one-hitting enemies. We aren’t completely sure about the collision detection on spikes, but it was the only instance of us dying when we felt it wasn’t our fault. Which are all backhanded ways of saying that we had a fine time on-the-sticks.
But while it’s friction-free, it’s not problem-free. Any memory of Lonely Guardian will puff away immediately, even while you’re playing. It’s so easy, short and uncomplicated that it will barely touch the sides. For an achievement hunter looking for an easy 2000G that will be fine music for the ears, but everyone else deserves something better than ‘inoffensive’.
Important Links
Lonely Guardian Puts You in the Paws of a Mythical Foo Dog – https://www.thexboxhub.com/lonely-guardian-puts-you-in-the-paws-of-a-mythical-foo-dog/
Buy Lonely Guardian, Optimised for Xbox Series X|S – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/lonely-guardian-xbox-series/9MZHBVXSS5NF/0010
Grab an Xbox One version – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/lonely-guardian-xbox-one/9MXVFXVCBGLF/0010
Or one for Windows PC – https://www.xbox.com/en-GB/games/store/lonely-guardian-windows/9N2B9H4H0H36/0010
